The Colors of You

Blue and orange. The colors of the blanket you chose when we went to Mexico. I think of that blanket, and I think of you. Blue and orange were your high school colors. They are also the colors of you. 

Orange. The color or childlikeness. You were a kid at heart, and you found joy in simple things. You loved to tell jokes and prided yourself on your dad jokes. Orange is also for the fire inside you. It motivated you to succeed. You were excited to learn and grow. You taught yourself any skill you decided you wanted to know. You learned how to do home improvement projects, built a beautiful chicken coop, and were working on a clubhouse for the kids. Orange is for your love of those silly little chickens. Something about them made you so excited. I couldn’t get rid of them even though I don’t love them as much as you do, and I even collected a few more this year. 

Blue. The color of your eyes. That piercing blue that I thought might see through to my soul. Blue is the color of Utah State, your Alma Mater. It’s also the color of BYU, who you cheered for over Utah State every time. I never understood that and wished you could find it in your heart to cheer for the red team. Blue is for your steadiness and dependability. The softness about you is also blue. Blue is for all of the decorating we did together in our home. We didn’t mean to make everything blue, but we did. Blue is the color of your casket. I chose it, thinking you would have chosen it. But I still wonder if you would have chosen the black one instead. 

Blue is the color of forgiveness. The gift I gave to myself. I hope it means something to you too. Giving myself that gift has made me remember more and more special and happy memories. It is both beautiful and difficult to remember.

Blue and orange. Orange and blue. These are the colors of you. 

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