Six Months Ago

Tonight, it will be six months since Greg passed away. 182 days. Greg died on a Friday, which makes the day hard to pass by without remembering. I asked the kids if they want to do anything to acknowledge this day or pretend it doesn’t exist. They all said they want to pretend it doesn’t exist, and I’m okay with that. I find that that doesn’t work well for me, but I’m glad they are better at blocking the memories out. We will at least make tonight less like our normal Fridays. It will be easier to pretend it doesn’t exist that way. 

When a tragedy happens, six months from that day feels like a long time. It seems like it should be enough time to be getting the hang of things and for things to start being easier. I find that others expect that as well. It does feel like a long time since Greg’s death, but at the same time, six months isn’t very long. Some things are easier, but life is still hard, and in some ways, it is harder than it was in the beginning. 

Earlier this week, I was trying to think of how we have progressed the past six months. I honestly couldn’t think of much that was noteworthy. We are still very much grieving and trying to figure out a lot of things. The numbness is starting to wear off, and that means emotions remain high. We are all still very vulnerable. The one accomplishment I could think of is that we have survived. When asked how I am, I sometimes joke that we are all surviving…well most of us are. You’ve got to joke sometimes. 

Survival is a big accomplishment. We survived the most difficult months of our lives. We have truly been in survival mode much of the past six (really 7) months. But I think a bigger accomplishment for the past months is that we LIVED. Sometimes we did more than simply survive. Some days we actually enjoyed life. We have celebrated six birthdays, Christmas, New Years, and Easter. We went on an amazing trip to Disneyland. We have continued in our sports activities, finished a school year, done art, gone on walks and bike rides, raised butterflies and chickens, played games, gone to Lagoon, started new friendships, and created a lot of new memories. Life has continued, and it hasn’t all been bad. In all honesty, things are better in so many ways. 

So, here’s to life marching on, even when it feels like everything should stop. We have continued on with life, and we will keep doing that. Living is our victory, and we are doing a pretty okay job at it.

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