Grief is Everywhere

Grief is everywhere. I have 19 years of memories, so how could it not be? Try me. Point out anything, and I will tell you how grief is there. Grief is in every corner and crevice of my home. I can look at any item in my home and find the grief in it, whether it comes from a memory or from the fact that Greg will never see or touch it. 

So many memories. So much has been lost.

Grief is in every place I go. Greg went to most of these places too. I can look at each neighbor’s home and think of a memory, or even just the fact that Greg knew them. I find grief driving around town and seeing the places we visited together, and the ones we didn’t.

Grief is at the grocery store. There are certain things I won’t buy anymore because they remind me too much of him. There are memories at the grocery store. For our last anniversary, we went to Walmart and chose some Otter Pops in memory of our first fight, which happened to be over Otter Pops. Grief is in Otter Pops. 

Today I went to the city arts center (somewhere I rarely go, and he rarely went), and was hit by a memory of us making plans the last time we were there together. Plans that never happened. Grief is truly everywhere. 

Grief is in my interactions with others. It is in my children, some of whom look a lot like their dad. It is in the reality that I could lose them any moment. Grief is in my friendships. Sometimes I don’t want to talk. I am so tender and touchy. I know I can be hard to be friends with right now. I’m sorry. Grief is in gatherings. I usually avoid them because grief is everywhere.

If I were to move, I know that grief would still be everywhere. It would still be at the grocery store, and in the home he never set foot in. It would still be in my neighborhood. There is no escaping it. 

Grief is in each day. It is in the holidays, birthdays, and celebrations. It is in the days when nothing much is going on. It is in the weekends and the weekdays. Grief is in the fact that next month I will be the same age as he was. I will soon pass him in age, and then I will continue to get older than him. There is grief in that. 

Grief is truly everywhere. I think it may always be, though I hope time will soften it.

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