I read that one of the most common things for a child to be concerned about when losing a loved one is forgetting them. I have had more than one of my children express this concern. My youngest is 6, and though he will have some memories of Greg, they may be pretty fuzzy by the time he’s an adult. I think it’s a valid concern, and I hope to help my kids remember their dad the best they can. I have found myself afraid of forgetting too.

When I was helping to dress Greg’s body for the viewing and burial, I noticed how familiar everything about him was to me. I remembered the little scar on his chin, the wrinkles starting to form on his forehead, the way his hair curled to the side, the way his ears curved, his hands. I felt the long toes of his feet, and I even felt his shin bone one more time. It is razor sharp, and I always found it strange and interesting. I have spent so much time with him, and he is so familiar to me. It is mind blowing that someone so close and familiar to me can just be gone. He has always been with me. It’s difficult to comprehend and accept.

At first, the little details about Greg came to me with every thought. I knew what he would say at different times, I thought about what he would like and dislike about different experiences, foods, etc. He was a part of every thought, and I was amazed at the detail that came to my mind as I thought about him. I found myself making comments about what he would have liked, what he would have said, etc. I still do this frequently.

He is constantly on my mind, but the details are starting to fade a little. I am starting to sometimes wonder what he would say to certain things and how he would react. I worry that I’ll forget his voice and the little quirky things that he would do. I don’t want to forget the little details, but I think they will most likely continue to slowly fade. It saddens me that we seem to be drifting further and further apart with time as I learn to live without him and he does whatever he’s doing without me. 

Even though the details are starting to fade a bit, I still have so many vivid memories, and I hope they never go away. I will do what I can to remember him, and to help my kids remember him. It is impossible to forget him. He is such an important part of our lives.

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